What a difference a year makes!

One year ago today I sat in our pediatrician's office for a routine check.  It was anything but normal.


One year ago that same pediatrician found a small imperfection in my baby boy's eye.  Or rather, she found an absence of something.  See: And so it begins


One year ago today I learned what a red reflex was... and what it could mean not to have one.
See: Red Reflex



One year ago today I couldn't look into my baby's eyes without crying.


One year ago today I mourned the fact that my baby wasn't perfect.  That is still hard to admit.


One year ago I wondered if I would survive the next 4 days until I knew what the diagnosis was.


One year ago I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life.   I prayed that my baby would have a cataract, not cancer (retinoblastoma).


One year ago today, I became obsessed with eyes.


Oh what a difference a year makes!


Today I only briefly even thought about the eye... only for a moment when I decided that the goop coming out of the eye meant that I couldn't put in a contact or patch.  I vowed to let him enjoy it.n  (He did!)

Today I changed diapers, fed children, picked up toys, did laundry...  normal mom stuff.

Today I encouraged a little boy to talk, to walk, and I tickled him until he could barely breathe.

Today is a MUCH better day.

Sick days

I hate sick days.  I never know quite what to do with Tommy when he is dripping goop from every orifice.  I mean, I know what to do as a mother: love him,wipe his nose, comfort him, wipe his nose, cuddle him, wipe his nose... but what do I do about the CONTACT.  Usually, goopy eye means no contact for Tommy (and no patch!).  After all, if I lose the contact as he rubs it out, it is automatically 3 or 4 days before another one comes in.  One day of contact safety surely is better than 3-4 days without.   But is this the right thing to do?  Am I harming his future vision?  No one knows, I know that in my head, but in my heart I worry every second that I miss.  This past weekend his missed 4 days. 4 days!  I'm still worried about this (hence the blog post).  He was sick- oh so sick.  Fever to 103.8, coughing, wheezing, sneezing, dripping, red goopy eyes, sleeping all the time.  I tried, really I did.  He has his requisite day off, then I put the contact in and the patch on the next day.  But- the patch was covered with goop, and his poor eye was so swollen, I started to worry about eye infections!  So out it came- and since his eye was so swollen, it was so hard to get out!  So, he got another day off, and then another.  Oh the guilt.  I know, I know, experts say it takes 2 weeks to truly harm his vision, but I still worry.

Snow

It's been a mild winter, or at least it had been until this week!  Tommy loves it outside, but I've always wondered if the bright light bothers his eye more than the "average eye".  In bright lights, Tommy gets a funny "Popeye squint" when it is too bright, which I think is just adorable!  (although at times it does worry  me just a little).   I know there are a million different types of sunglasses, but I have a hard enough time getting him to keep the patch on, adding one more layer to that seemed like too much work.  Plus, I am saving that battle for when we have to wear REAL glasses.

So, Tommy was not a big fan of the snow.  Life was good as long as I held him, but sledding?  Not so much.  Cold snow?  He could live without it.  He's happy to view the snow from the safety of Mommy's arms...

Or from behind the nice warm window!