It has been a while since I've been so... so anxious about "the eye" as I am right now. I'm not even sure I understand fully what I'm feeling.
I've mentioned that we are currently having a war in our house. Tommy versus The Patch. He's become quite skilled at making sure that I cannot re-use any patch he gets his hands on, which means we are back to a 9-10 patch a day habit. But that is Tommy. That is normal. That cannot be the source of my stress.
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| Contact vacation! |
Tommy's contact is currently on back order. I'm fairly convinced it is because they made an entire lot that wasn't really the correct size. We were sent 3 contacts from Bausch and Lomb to replace the multiple contacts we lost in such a short period of time. I finally broke into one- and it was ~3/4 the size of the contact he had in his eye (despite all the numbers on the bottle matching). Only a seasoned iMom would notice that. So I'm pretty sure they had to re-make and re-send quite a few! We discovered this after losing the last contact that was correct. Tommy has been on a contact vacation since Thursday. Poor guy, we found it today (5 days later) on the floor of the garage. Two disinfecting routine's later, I think it may still work. Again, this is pretty normal stuff.
I think the big issue is that we see his eye doctor tomorrow. I'm always a little nervous- but this seems like a big visit. We've been told all along that he'd get glasses at 18 months. I don't know if I'm ready. It brings back all these strange feelings of remorse for him. It hit me that he will wear these glasses... probably forever. He will patch for the next 7 years, which will feel like forever. It means the loss of some things- he'll never be a pilot (you need depth perception), he'll never be a baseball star (again, poor depth perception), his left eye will always be smaller... I don't know why this matters now, today, when nothing has changed. He still is Tommy with a killer grin, an infectious laugh, and the cutest little face I could ever imagine. While he has this "eye thing" he isn't any different than his friends in daycare in the things that matter. But still I'm still in a state of unrest. I'm hoping that it isn't a predictor of things to come.
First let me say, he is too freaking adorable. Secondly, I do this sometimes too. It is easy to zone in on the things that this condition limits. The thing I try to do, when I get in that place, I try to remember that they are going to be fighters. They already are. They are and will be stronger people than what they might have become if they had a normal beginning. Third, appointment time is closing in here too. I hope you have a boring appointment. :)
ReplyDeleteCould his grins be any more cute! He is such a love bug that I want to jumpt through the screen and squeeze him! I am feeling super anxious lately too - I think the unknown (and the known) tend to sit in the back of my mind and at different times creep up. It is the unknown of glasses, vision, patching, the future and the known of glasses, vision, patching, the future.
ReplyDeleteBut our kids are the strongest, bravest (and cutest) kids out there. My daughter has been through more surgeries than some people ever go through in a lifetime. She has definitely been through more patches than people know exist. Tommy too - and he will be amazing because he is Tommy. The eye thing is just the eye thing. Tommy is still 100% Tommy - in all his glorious, cute perfection.
Wishing you good vibes for the patching war and for the appointment. I am always sick to my stomach for a few days before we go to the PO. Hoping this is a great appointment for you and Tommy!
:( It is always there. The worry. I was writing a letter of rec for a student who is applying to a military academy and was so sad when all of a sudden I realized that Anderson can never apply to one because IOLs aren't allowed. Random, but upsetting.
ReplyDeleteIt is ok to be frustrated and worried and sad and mad and angry all at the same time that you are loving his precious little face. I think you feel those things BECAUSE you love that little face, right? So, it is all connected.
I can't help with contact issues, but I can send symapthy!
As for the patching, 13 months-23 months was LITERALLY THE HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE. We could NOT keep Anderson's patch on at all. Period. We were supposed to be patching all but one waking hour. Ha. I look back and realize how close I was to insanity. Seriously, it was awful. BUT, the last few months have been a million times easier. I won't say easy because a patch is never easy, but definitely better!
Hang in there, but worry away.
I can't wait to see pics of him in glasses. I,for one, am pretty partial to a little boy in glasses:)
I was thinking of you today, sending strength and love. I can completely relate to your emotions AND all the awesome comments. For me from day to day Life with Easton's Eye has somehow just become our life and dare I say I honestly forget about "the Eye" ...sometimes. However, the appointments always have a way of reminding me that all of this is real, so very real. And then old emotions quickly resurface and fear, anxiety, sadness, anger... all of it twists up in my stomach and basically makes me want to puke. Vicious it is, a vicious roller coaster. All I can say is, you are not alone. I am riding it right along with you with my hands high up in the air!!! :)
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't already ordered glasses, I would recommend miraflex. Elsa has worn them since 8 wks. Old and they are indestructible. The frames are plastic and they have a strap acrossed the back. This road isn't always easy. I will be thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteNot sure why it has taken me this long to put two and two together. Would you be the other imom....following the girls on Instagram? If I'm wrong disregard. If not...feel free to add me...ounceofluck.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about the anxiety and the countless patches. I feel the gutwrenching feeling you have numerous times a day of having to replace the awful thing. Sending you lots of patching peace....good job keeping it up though...he will thank you one day!