Tommy has a more willful personality than his sisters- sometimes I think it's because he is a boy, or because he is spoiled, or because he's the 4th, or maybe even because he's got this little "eye thing". I'll probably never know. What I know is that he has been the kid who has wanted to dress himself earlier, pick out his own clothes earlier, and has definite opinions on everything Tommy. It's been a blast.
This new little person has feelings, too. I've described how he is ready and willing to tell people about why he wears a patch- in fact, I have prematurely patted myself on the back quite a few times for how "maturely" he handles questions. His daycare provider told me the other day that another little boy asked Tommy why he wore a patch, and Tommy simply explained it. (Ah, proud mom, we're doing good!) We are out and about and someone calls him a pirate and I refrain from punching them. (Yay! Good job mom, show Tommy that none of this matters!)
But- this celebrating may all have been premature. I admit that I dread the day he leaves the cocoon of our home daycare. It's small, great provider, great families. I do see kids stare and ask questions of their parents. I do know that kids are
I just never expected Tommy to care so soon. We were in our small(ish) town at the local bakery. We walk in and a little girl shouts "Hey, you look like a PIRATE!" This isn't the first time, won't be the last. I look at Tommy and say "Say Arrrgh, Tommy!" He hides. This kid who can talk anyone's ear off, hides between my legs. The girl didn't stop. Her parents even joined in to say "Is he wearing a costume, how silly!" (They said this to the little girl, I presume they knew that a polo shirt and a patch do not equal pirate costume) Another lady in the shop seemingly tried to cover up and talk about her son's eye issue and how her little boy would have loved a patch. But the family didn't stop- more pirate talk. I honestly didn't know what to do. I usually encourage Tommy to laugh it off or play along, but he was clearly... different about it this time. I stayed silent myself- I found myself wanting to tell them he wears a patch for a reason- to make his eye stronger. I wanted to defend him, I wanted to get my donuts and get out. When we left, the girl shouts "Bye pirate!"
We get out the door and Tommy says "I NOT a pirate!"
Heart sinks. Heart breaks just a little.
I ask if the little girl made him feel say. He nods. Heart shatters.
We talked about ways he could control the situation. (Sounds big- but really I just told him that if someone says something like that to him, he could just say "I'm not a pirate, I'm TOMMY!") We practiced this for a few minutes and he cheered up. I showed him the #camopatchkids on instagram- to show him that there are lots of kids like him who wear patches and glasses. Austin's pic made his day. (I love social media!)
But fellow iMom readers- what have you done? What have you seen? How have you handled the moments when kids realize that other kids think they are different?
How can I make this cute little face never be sad about that again?
And, just like that I want to drive there and just be a huge bitch to that woman. (I just cussed on your blog comment post; I am sorry) I am so sad for you to have to go through that and so angry that people are apparently selfish (and stupid...clearly NOT a pirate costume.)
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing for sure by acknowledging the conversation and his feelings. Anderson is MUCH more aware of people looking at him, asking questions, etc then he was at a younger age, and he can pick up on social cues more, which is a totally different level of emotions/dealing with feelings.
This is is going to be the worst advice/answer to your question ever, but all that I can tell myself is that he is not going to remember this. Luckily, there have only been a few moments of just plain rudeness that have upset Anderson, but I remember them VIVIDLY and get sad/angry whenever I allow myself to drift back there. But, I don't think Anderson remembers. He might remember the moment, the words, but his little boy brain is going a million miles a minute and he doesn't linger on the emotion like I do. Possibly this is the perk of a boy?
I am so heartbroken that you had to experience that and so angry at rude parents. I have on occasion said very loudly, "Anderson, don't worry. Your eye is going to be fixed, but those rude people are most likely going to always be rude." This is probably the worst way to handle anything and completely immature and not teaching my kid anything about social etiquette, but it sure makes me feel better.
He is adorable and perfect and has those older sisters who are going to give him all of the self confidence that he needs! But, hang in there imom. Hang in there and know we are thinking of you during those times.
Last thing I am going to say-I read a quote somewhere that said, "Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy" and I think of it often. As a lover of history, I know the people whom I admire, the ones who truly changed the world, went through some difficult experiences that shaped them. So, the point I am making is, when Tommy is president one day, he better declare a iHoliday for all the imoms!
Hang in there.